Carrying on the tradition of the Bermuda Triangle

I remember when I was young and I used to go shopping with my grandmother.  We’d go to the mall, and after all of our shopping we would head back to the car, where we would commence the ritual of the purse search.  She would plunk her big black purse down on the hood of the car, and begin digging through it to find her keys.  My mother referred to the purse as the “Bermuda Triangle,” a reference I didn’t understand until I was a bit older.  I thought it had something to do with my grandmother having enough in her purse for a trip to Bermuda, or something like that.

The reason it was so hard for my grandmother to find her keys is because she had so much crap in that damn purse.  I mean this with the utmost respect, as my grandmother has since passed, but she would also appreciate my honesty.  It was full of crap.  Wallets (yes, more than one, and no, I can’t tell you why), inhalers, lipsticks, compacts, bits and scraps of paper, pens, and tissues.  Oh, the tissues.  So many tissues.  Some were clean, some decidedly weren’t, and when you stuck your hand into that purse, you never knew what you were going to get.  I vowed my purses would never look like that.

I am proud to say that in general, I have kept that vow.  My bags are generally fairly neat and well organized, and I can almost always find my keys (mostly thanks to the recent trend of sewing key leashes into the inside of purses, but I’m happy to take credit nonetheless).  Well, that all changed yesterday.  After several weeks of not paying much attention to the innards of the diaper bag, I decided to clean it out.  Oh boy.  Here is what I found:

- 4 diapers, size 1, clean.  (Frieda is now a size 2.  While we can still get her into a size 1, I actually prefer the poop to stay in the diaper.  But that’s just me.)
- 2 diapers, size 1, wet.  Yes, that’s right.  At some point in the past, I put the wet diapers back in the diaper bag.  Even worse, I wasn’t terribly surprised or horrified to find them in there.
- 4 nipple pads.  I’ve never used nipple pads.
- 1 empty bottle of CFDC.  (That’s caffeine-free-Diet-Coke, of course.)
- 1 outfit, size 0-3 months.  Um, F is 4 1/2 months old.
- 1 wipes case, with 2 wipes in it.  2 wipes are useful, if you consider one clean cheek to be success.  I usually shoot for two myself.
- 1 baby bottle, complete with nipple and top.  No formula, mind you, but at least I had the bottle.
- 1 pacifier.  That’s where the damn thing went!

After reviewing this list of contents, I can only come to one conclusion.  At this point in time, I would be *lucky* to have a purse like my grandmother’s.  Yes, it was messy, but it had everything she needed.  As for me, I have been diligently carrying around a garbage receptacle with a few token baby items that can serve no purpose whatsoever.  But at least I can find my keys.