Lesson #2: Community

Dear F,

Today your Aunt R married your Uncle T.  You were there for all of it – R getting ready, the photographs, the tisch, the bedeken, the chuppah, and the celebration and meal afterwards.  F, you were amazing.  Although you slept through parts of it (the photographs, the ceremony, and some of the reception), you were awake for much of it, and you loved it.  Your father held you in his arms during the dancing, and you were smiling and happy the whole time.  As we whirled around the room during the hora, I thought for sure you were either going to throw up or start screaming, but you didn’t.  You reveled in it, soaking in the music, the people, the lights, and the motion.  It was a delight to watch you, and to be with you.

Not long after the dancing, you got hungry.  I plopped myself (literally) down into a chair with a good view of the dance floor and nursed you.  You ate for almost half an hour, mostly undistracted by the commotion of the room, and I enjoyed a moment to reflect.  I looked out over the dance floor, and watched everyone dancing – our Rabbi and her wife, the parents of one of Auntie R’s good friends from high school, Bubbe’s friend’s daughter and her boyfriend, your father’s cousins, Uncle T’s friends, and your Zayde’s college roommates, among other people.  Most of these people didn’t know each other – they are connected through Auntie R and Uncle T.  While none of them are amongst best friends, or even our closest friends, they are all part of our community, and we are blessed to know them.

Being part of a community is about so much more than knowing people.  It’s about having a place (by which I mean a place of people, as opposed to a place of space) to celebrate, learn, worship, and have fun.  Community is about building and maintaining relationships with others who share your interests, whatever they may be.  But it’s also about the smaller moments, such as seeing someone you know in the grocery store or the local coffee shop, or having someone to go to when you need a recommendation for a plumber or mechanic.  These days, it’s also about having connections online, and while these are no substitute for the real thing, internet communities are quite useful and do have their place.

Wherever and however one finds it, the power and importance of a community lies in its ability to keep us connected and grounded, reminded that we are not alone, and that we don’t have to figure it all out on our own.  Even those brief encounters, when someone remembers your name and is happy to see you, add richness and meaning to life, and provide us with perspective that we might not be able to enjoy otherwise.  So, F, while I wish for you a life of close family and friends, I also hope you are able to find a community that nourishes and supports you.