Everyone’s Writing About the Bad Mommy…

Those of you who read my recent post about the Bad Mommy phenomenon have probably heard of Ayelet Waldman’s memoir, “Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace“.  If you haven’t read the book, you might enjoy it – I’m halfway through it now, and I’ve found it to be pretty good so far.  There have been a number of commentaries and reviews of the book, but my favorite by far is by Marjorie Ingall, published by Tablet.  This is the piece I wish I had written.  She described so eloquently exactly what it is that irritates me about the Bad Mommy discourse.  Here is an excerpt from her article:

What is new is the notion of fake casualness. Now we’re supposed to be relaxed and real, but this unstudied-ness is, in fact, carefully studied. “Authenticity” is the operative buzzword. One trend in weddings is for low-key-seeming family-style fetes that actually cost as much as a more formal event. Clothing trends are bohemian and punk-influenced rather than overtly luxe, but they still come at price points that would make a real hippie have a seizure. Fashion mags talk about how much men love women who eat, and urge women to have dessert, but we’re still supposed to be a size two.

In other words, the standards women are held to are as high as ever. Now we’re not supposed to be self-negatingly child-centered, but our kids still have to come out brilliant, accomplished, and adorable. No wonder it’s easier to throw up your hands and call yourself “bad” than engage in debate about the impossibility of perfect goodness.

There’s probably more to be said about the whole issue, but I’ll leave you to your own research for now.  In addition to Ingall’s thoughts, there are a number of other worthwhile reviews of the book which offer insightful commentaries on this phenomenon:

Susan Dominus for The New York Times

Anne Hulbert for Slate.com

Jill Lepore for The New Yorker

Lilith and Brain, Child have also published reviews, but they don’t appear to be available online at this time.

The Era of the Bad Mother

I’m feeling entirely unmotivated to write about the sordid details of my (in)fertility treatment (or anything else) at this particular moment, so I’ll refer you to another post that I think is worth reading.  I have a lot more to say about it, but as I mentioned, I’m unmotivated.  So check out what Her Bad Mother has to say, let me know what you think, and I’ll be writing more about it soon.

Related bad mother links:

Bringing up baby badly on purpose by Andrea Gordon

Bad Mother Promises “Maternal Crimes,” Delivers Misdemeanors by Anna N.